Chandler Bing are u me

At this moment in time I think everything in life is just an attempt in futility.

So many things on my mind. I don't quite know how to word my thoughts. 

Here are two people that you may deal with; A and B.

A asks from time to time what work needs to be done. A shows/feigns interest in the work that needs to be done. A agrees to do whatever work that is needed to be done. However, when A does give in work, it is of sub par quality. 

B generally gives no fucks about what work needs to be done. If you don't ask, B doesn't bother. B will do work if asked to do so, but with no guarantees it will come on time. The work B gives lies on the good side of the spectrum (near or far is to be debated).

I feel like it's a case of under promising and over delivering OR if you continually set low expectations of everything then everything will seem as though it just went way better than it could have been. 

As can be seen in the case of A, because A shows (loosely used) concern/interest in the work, you come to expect that A will do a proper job seeing as A seems to give a fuck about the work that needs to be done. However in B's case, B just flats out let you know they aren't going to give a fuck till you tell them to. So you come to expect that any work given from B will just be shit.

So when A gives you work, you expect it to be good, but what comes may be perceived as utter shit when it may in fact be just... Slightly mediocre. While the work B gives, you expect it to be 'eh, okay', but may be perceived as 'okay we can use this' when in actuality it really was 'eh, okay'. 

I don't know. 

Setting low expectations in life just seems like a really good thing to do at this point in my life right now.

Rambling.

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Reading Thought Catalog when my period is coming is a suicidal undertaking.

Liveblogging my emotions like the drama it is.

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Hope seems like such a cute and bright little thing, but in reality it's the girl of your dreams who leads you to think she can give you the world and then proceeds to carve out your heart from your chest and then makes you watch as she stomps it into the ground.

Okay enough liveblogging I suck and am I one of those moods where I just want to curl up into a ball and die but I cannot because I decided to slap a face mask on because I am breaking out. God, it's like my fingers just can't stop.

I will die trying to decipher all these hidden meanings in all the words that you say.

I know I am above this and I always tell myself I have better things to do than fret over something I have zero control of but at some level I will always be noticing, always wondering.

Fucking swamped with work, ahhh the fruits of my procrastination.

IB is a motherfucking bitch to deal with and I haven't started on Visual Merchandising which is due on Tuesday. One day I will look back on this (if I don't delete the posts as I always do) and feel that all this work was done in futility.

OK so according to a classmate's Facebook status update (idk why people bother anymore), I have...

A presentation on Tuesday (VM)

A presentation on Wednesday (MM) and I think a report due

A presentation on Thursday (PS)

A test the following Tuesday (VM)

A presentation the following Wednesday (IB)

May the Good Lord Bless Me.

Big plans after 20th Feb my people (hew?). But first, I think a long two (three? four?) weeks break is needed to erm. Firstly. Spring clean my room. WHAT IS NEW. And get some things in order before I ~embark on a new journey~ of the shit storm that is life. 

In other news my sleeping schedule is so fucked. I can only fall asleep at 5-6am and I wake up at 4pm (weekends), 1pm or whatever timing someone calls my phone when I am needed (weekdays). And then it goes like... "Oh my god. What time is it now. Ohhhhh fuck fuck fuck fuck. Okay okay I'm coming now I'm so so sorry okay oh my god fuck fuck fuck." 

I foresee that happening later. 3.30am and I am now going to get started on my VM report and continue with IB. Dead.

You tell it like it is sista

I ATE TWO CUPCAKES TODAY (I gave one to my brother I am so nice), HAPPY FATTY ME!

Yum yum yum yum nommy nom nom nom!!!!!!

My room is messy again, what's new guys. I spend two days to pack it up and I mess it up within a week.

Ho-hum.

Around his little finger that boy has got me curled

Why can't you want me like the other boys do?
They stare at me while I stare at you
Why can't I keep you safe as my own?
One moment I have you the next you are gone
Rehearsed steps on an empty stage
That boy's got my heart in a silver cage
Why can't you want me like the other boys do?
They stare at me while I crave you

I walked into the room dripping in gold
Yeah dripping in gold
I walked into the room dripping in gold
Dripping in gold
A wave of heads did turn, or so I've been told
Or so I've been told
My heart broke when I saw you kept your gaze controlled
Oh I cannot solve

Word vomit

Look into the mirror and your flaws scream at  you

Too small eyes staring back at you
Nose that expands when you smile
Undefined lips
Stumpy legs
Terrible eye bags
Unkempt hair

On and on

In some kind of weird, narcissistic way, I want to show whoever bothers a polished side of me, and the raw, eternally depressed side of me as well. Which is why I own two blogs (actually, more...) Narcissism at its finest.

I came across this on tumblr, "Books are just different combinations of the 26 alphabets". Which is kind of cool. It makes me feel like a wordsmith.

Everything's kind of depressing up top. Here's some... Happyish words.

I can almost feel
Your fingers brushing my skin
My fingers
Cautious
Reaching out for your face

Anticipation
Excitement
Worry
Nerves
Ecstasy
I'll wear a poorly crafted mask
In the hopes of concealing
Me

I don't know what I'm writing. This is my poor first attempt at what I deem poetry. Thank you, bye bye.

I've been doing nothing for the entire day. How sinful considering I've a pile of unfinished work. Spent the day just looking through blogs. I wanted to look for ideas for my Visual Merchandising project but I can't visualize the execution very well, how ironic. So I'm stuck.

The weather this weekend has been sooo nice, I wish the weather was always like this. 

I need to stop having dreams with you inside. Actually it was always good, and these past few dreams have been good too except that at the end I'm always... Having missed chances. Let's just hope I'm no psychic. 

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How everything you ever love will reject you or die.

Everything you ever create will be thrown away.

Everything you're proud of will end up as trash.

- Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

Whazzzzzup

Hi! Starting off with a very happy picture of me and Totoro! Hehehe, I love Totoro!!! I met Kuen Kuen today to have dinner. We haven't gone out together in ages because of school and other commitments. Our timetables also clash this semester so we hardly ever meet in school. :( We went to Saizeriya for dinner because I thought they still had their mussels and roast duck but they didn't. Meh. In retrospect we should have just gone to Pasta de Waraku.

This is the only picture of us "together". We forgot to take a picture together. It always happens. 

Then we went to Starbucks to chill~ Ok, no, we are not the kind of people who sit down at Starbucks for hours because 1. Starbucks is full most of the time, 2. We are cheap people who don't want to pay more than $5 for drinks. We just wanted to go there because I wanted to try the new cheesecake Keith recommended and she wanted to drink steamed milk. I know right, who drinks that. The Starbucks guy was all "Err, is that all the drinks you'll be having?" The worst part was we didn't even get what he was saying until the third time he repeated it. Awkward children forever. Actually, the photo looks like a tea time meal for a child. Milk and cake. Hahaha.

Look at our #twinbaby purchases! Ok I begged Kuen Kuen to buy the keychain with me, hahaha. Hers would be the cat stuff and mine would be that chubby puppy!!!!!!!!!! WHEN I SAW IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SHELF I HYPERVENTILATED BECAUSE Y'KNOW WHAT IT IS?! IT'S A FRENCH BULLDOG PUPPY!!! It's so cute erhmagerd. Look at its puppy butty and it rolling around all over agugugu. Don't judge me, thanks. IT'S SO CUTE Y'ALL. Yah, and after this we proceeded to buy the same everything the entire night. Same $5 top, same lounge pants - which we are very excited to wear to school to try the "just got out off bed" look. Hahahaha.

Euuurrrgh, I'm so stuck on my HR project. And when I see the work I'm given sometimes, all I can do is:

Jesus take the wheel.

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Sometimes it's what we don't see that's important.

Be Kind

Marc Johns

Negativity

Needed this.

BBC Book Meme

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here

Bold those books you’ve read in their entirety.
Italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish or read only an excerpt.
Underline those that you plan on reading in the near foreseeable future.

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling 
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee 
6 The Bible (umm, haha, I used to read chunks of the bible when I felt bad for skipping church)
7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott 
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger (didn't get it lol)
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell 
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown 
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens 
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov (sew boring, sew gross, eaux. I borrowed it from Jill and I still have not returned it)
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac 
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses – James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath 
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchel
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White (Sec 1 Literature class haaay. I was so excited about studying literature I finished the book even before school started)
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom (didn't get it)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (I read one book, Hound of the Baskervilles. It creeped me out so bad.)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery (didn't get it also, haha omg)
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas (I LOVED IT AS A CHILD LOL)
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl 
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Oh hay I read 10! Out of a 100! Actually there are a bunch of books in this list I'm not sure if I read as a kid because I used to have a bunch of tiny palm-sized classics. I don't even know how I got them. Swiss Family Robinson was one of them. GOD, I LOVED THAT BOOK. I REREAD IT TIME AND TIME AGAIN. I need to look for a copy of that book! Great Expectations too! Damn, I can see how I grew into my inactive social life.

There's another list of books around the internet if you google 'BBC book meme' but I just took this list off a blog I read. And when I pasted it in HTML it came out as a huge wall of words so I painstakingly pressed the 'enter' key for every number hahaha I AM SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING.

Also, please notice a trend. I don't get a lot of the books I read. HAHAHA. And most of the books I actually read as a kid at around 12 years old. Seriously, I totally see why I don't have more friends.

I will try to read more books this year! (and hopefully understand what I've read) Haven't been reading a lot lately and it bums me out. Whenever I do read, it's chick-lit. Not ragging on chick-lit, I love them, but I think my brain needs to be put to work more.

So excited for school to end now so I can drown myself in books, films, and music!

Stagnant

Sup. Here is a big ass picture of my face. It kinda depicts my current mood very accurately. You can see how tubby my fingers are. And my eyebrows look like furry moth feelers. That's gross. Have been in a shit mood lately and it doesn't help that my modem isn't working. I'm tethering internet off my phone now and it is painfully, painfully slow. Also stuck with my report. So I sit here in limbo, not working on my report and not doing anything else because I feel like I can't do anything else if I don't finish my report. You got that feel bro? I think I'm supposed to take a shower now, I have to be at the airport later to send Gladys off to the UK. First Alison, now Gladys, soon it will be Jillian, and here I will be. Still stuck in this tiny island. Still having the same feelings I've always did. Still doing the same shit I've always did. 

Funny how less than a week ago I was feeling quite positive about life. Vicious cycle, really.

Madness

Those are not my legs btw. If only though, hahaha.

Birds and bees

Today was the last day for Open House! Sales was surprisingly good. Tomorrow I have a test which I haven't studied for, and I have a report submission due this Friday. All the best to me. 

Not trying to be poetic or anything, but I realize, crushes are like seeds. You plant your seed when you start feeling attracted to a person, and you water it everyday and hope it grows up well and strong. There are also several factors which affect the seed's growth - time, effort, etc. 

Your seed could grow into weeds, where the other party, or you, decide that your crush is undesirable, or bad, and needs to be removed.  Or, crushes that are just passing phases are just seeds that slowly wither and die with passing time.

Likewise, your seed could bloom into a flower. Sweet-smelling, beautiful, but has a fleeting lifespan. Flowers last through a season, and then wither off and die. Relationships like flowers are crushes which were lucky enough to blossom into something more than a crush, but weren't meant to last. However, it was still lovely when you had it.

Some seeds may eventually grow into trees. Trees are sturdy, have long lifespans, and are able to withstand several seasons. Trees aren't easy to come by from seeds, and if they do grow, are hard to nurture. I guess most people seek to have relationships like trees, but growing a tree requires a challenging and large amount of effort and time. However, trees do get chopped down, or fall during storms.

Of course there are different types of seeds, seedlings, small flowers, large flowers, oak trees, bonsai trees, etc, hahaha.

I wish I could write this out better and less haphazardly. I think my standard of writing has dropped :( I need to start reading more books again. 

Y'know, I always begin feeling happy, happy, happy till it hits a peak where I think things are going so well, and then my mood drops right down till I can't even stop the bad feelings from snowballing. It happens all the time and I wish I knew how to do something about it. Maybe I just expect too much and think too much.

Living on such sweet nothing

For my retail and visual merchandising project we have to set up a stall at our school's Open House. It's pretty retarded considering the events team heads are acting like it is a Big Deal when in actuality the crowd is shit and it's too bloody hot. 

Look at the balloon sculpture! It's supposed to be a fox but it looks like a cat but it's okay because the balloon artist gave a disclaimer saying it would look like a cat, haha. Anyway, he's brilliant. He could make a princess as well! Colour me impressed.

On the second day (5/1) something happened that made me very happy lol actually it probably isn't a very big deal but whatever!!! I can't stop thinking about it and smiling to myself like an idiot.

I love this photo tons! Apparently everyone has seen them except for me. I think he's a lecturer in my school. It just looked so sweet I had to scramble for my phone to snap a picture. I like how the son and the dad's steps are in sync. I didn't realize till I looked at it again later. It makes me really happy.

I'm supposed to be packing my room (and looking for my lost moleskine planner for 2013) but I'm so lazy and distracted.

Announcement

I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE PEACEFULLY KNOWING THAT I MIGHT NEVER BE ABLE TO TOUCH THIS. I can't with all of my Tyler Hoechlin feelings right now. 

Buoyant

Right now at this very moment, even though my room is in an absolute state of filth and I have a pile of projects that are far from completion, I feel real good about life.

I didn't list down any resolutions for this year, but I think I do have one: to just be happy. So cliche, especially with that John Lennon quote making its rounds on tumblr but well, a cliche is a cliche for a reason. We're all too young to feel this sad. Oh look, another overused quote we always see on tumblr.

I spend way too much time on tumblr.

Twinbaby

My favourite picture of us for now! Both of us think it's very cute hehehe. Mary Clare took it for us. I think we're calling ourselves Twinbaby now because of a tissue paper wrapper LOL THIS IS HOW THINGS ROLL WITH US. 

Anyway, we took this picture because we keep wanting/saying/doing the same things unknowingly; like wearing denim jackets to school, or painting the same nail colour. It's so cool hehehe. I am aware that this post is so secondary school ~BFF twinniezx~ hahaha.

Today is the first day of my last term in school. Time flies! 3 years is coming to an end real soon... I'll always be thankful that I had to take a few wrong turns to arrive at NYP, because I've had a pretty amazing time here despite all my complaints and gripes.

2 0 1 3

New year new blog, idk. Hahaha. I just wanted a personal blog again because I want to remember things that happened. I am horrible at keeping a blog though, so…

First day of the year was pretty uneventful. I hauled my ass to work for 6 hours and then hauled it back home and fell asleep while looking at Teen Wolf gifs on tumblr. I guess my 2013 is off to a good start…?

I think today is the day I’ve talked the most at work, to the most people in my entire month of working. I’m really thankful for SH who is super friendly and chatty. I think I’ve come to the realization that if you open yourself up to people, people will naturally be friendlier too. People aren’t complete bitch asses. All this while I’ve been thinking no one talks to me but I don’t exactly make an effort either so perhaps while I think people are unfriendly, the other party may think I’m the one who’s unfriendly. I guess I need to get over my fear of being judged and rejection.

Busy week ahead.