goodbye...?

Something has been on my mind for the longest time now, and it has been unsettling, to say the very least. 

"Ask yourself. If you knew this person now would you make friends with them?", is what a friend said.

I've been watching from the sidelines, perhaps even further away from being just at the side. And as I watch, the more I feel like I'm losing grip on something that I thought would have remained a large part of my life. 

Perhaps I was the one who thought wrong, who placed more value on things that actually didn't mean much. I do that a lot. It's something I've grown more aware of. Or maybe I wasn't enough.

It's hard to say what I'm feeling. Jealousy? Sadness? Regret? Concerned? Suspicious?

21 seems like a year of huge changes that bring about unpleasant feelings. And I am not ready for all the heartache and weariness. 

Maybe it's time to let go.