28.2.13

run, forrest, run!


I decided to go for a run today because I was feeling real sluggish and all around sloth-like. I ran 2km in 16 minutes because my fitness level = obese child. Anyway, the point is, I came home feeling all light-headed and my stomach felt weird. So, after I showered I proceeded to sloth around again. Haha. Story of my life. 

In other news, I have really got to get my ass down to packing my room. I say it so often that my friends always ask, "Didn't you pack your room last week/month/two weeks ago?", or, "Why are you always packing your room?" I'm just the worst combination of messy + lazy + hoarder ok guys.

Kuen Kuen got her acceptance letter from NTU today. I don't have one! Should I be worried or... 

26.2.13

Last night has got to be one of the worst nights of 2013. My stomach hurt throughout the day, carried on into the night bringing with it a fever which went up to 38.4 at 3am. It was so bad I had to wake my parents up and they brought me to a 24 hour clinic. Woke up this morning and puked/dry heaved.

Now I'm all drugged up and I have that weird taste in my mouth. The taste you get when you've just woken up from medicine-induced slumber and also, my mind is all foggy and weird.

Can I just say, following the events of a few days ago in addition to last night, 2013 is shaping up to be a real shit year.

23.2.13

21.2.13

Sometimes I think back to some embarrassing shit I did and I would literally scowl to myself. Well, today I would like not only like to scowl I would like to punch myself in the face. Hahaha. Okay time to watch the season finale of My Mad Fat Diary, tata.

18.2.13

17.2.13

why are we so ashamed of our women heroes?

"...You see, a female officer at the Academy was always respected, face to face, but in the privacy of our room, I'd hear classmates (mostly male but some females) be ridiculously critical of our women who were officers as opposed to men, who weren't put in as critical a light. 

In fact, men who were hard asses were seen with more awe and respect. You may not personally like the man, but you admired him as a leader. 

Women officers, on the other hand, were respected and got the job done, but no cadets (at least, none of the male cadets) wanted to be like them. "Bitch" was not an uncommon term to be thrown around. 

Outside of the Academy, it didn't seem to be much different. Admiring a high-ranking male politician was acceptable. Admiring Hillary Clinton? God forbid. 

But this is especially pronounced along gender lines. 

If a young woman in middle school or high school hangs up a poster of Barack Obama in her room, this is seen as acceptable. It's fine for women to admire men and want to be like them. 

If a young man (the same age) hangs up a poster of Hillary Clinton in his room, this is seen as odd (maybe even troubling, is he gay? Oh no!). 

Society tells us young men can't think of women as role models, unless they're a family member, whereas young women can admire and seek to emulate anyone, regardless of gender. 

If you're a young man, and if you have a poster on your wall with a woman, she had better be half-naked in a bikini, even if the Ronald Reagan or Gen. Patton poster next to it obviously features the man fully-clothed. 

Young men are not to taught to think of women as role models. They are taught to think of them as either family members or sexual objects. There is no other category presented. 

And if you do happen to get a boss that's a woman, suck it up and get through it. You can always go to the bar, after work, and complain about that "ball-busting bitch" to your friends. 

Men, even in my own generation, are still taught that it is bad to be a woman. Pussy, bitch, fag, etc. are all used on a regular basis by men towards other men to insult and discredit them because after all, what is more insulting than downgrading a man to a woman, from masculine to feminine? 

That's how it's viewed. 

Yesterday, Hillary Clinton left her position as Secretary of State as one of the most successful and popular diplomats in history. She is widely touted as the inevitable Democratic Nominee for President in 2016.

A few miles away, several dozen women gathered to give personal testimonies in the Symposium on Women in Combat. They attended to tell their stories of overcoming adversity, hanging with the men (with relative ease, might I add), and engaging in combat successfully. Their actions made them every bit as brave and effective as their brothers-in-arms. 

And yet, between Clinton and these uniformed women, how many young men and boys would lift up their hand to say they want to be like them, someday? 

Time and time again, we perpetuate the belief to children from an early age that women are weaker, less intelligent, and less capable than men. Women belong in princess costumes making us sandwiches while they clean the house. 

And young women notice this, immediately: "Is that my destiny? Am I meant to cater to men?" 

I posted a picture of a woman I really admire on Facebook back in 2010 with the caption, "One of my personal heroes...", and the very first comment was from a classmate mocking it based on gender. 

This is a common reaction and illustrates a vicious cycle: define a woman's role from an early age, tear down those who attempt to transcend it, observe their lack of success, attribute it to "women are weaker than men and belong in the home", and use this to further limit girls from an early age.

It leads to other things: if a person is commonly perceived as weaker, they're more likely to be exploited and attacked. Is it really that much of a coincidence that women make up 91% of rape victims and men make up 82% of Congress? 

We have a major problem in this country of marginalizing women based on ridiculous criteria, beating down any woman who rises above it, and then, pretending like there's no connection between that and not only the lack of women in power but the number of women who are victimized. 

It may seem like a ridiculous protest slogan, but it's absolutely true: the patriarchy is real, and it needs to be destroyed. 

We need to get rid of the vicious slander that a young man wanting to follow in the footsteps of a great woman isn't right in the head. 

We can no longer take women who worked hard to get out of the home to contribute so much in so many brilliant and impacting ways and stick them back there."

16.2.13


These were taken on the last official day of school, I think it was on the 6th, after we had our IB presentation. There's a digital group photo of us on my camera but I look like shit in it so it's not going up here haha. I would have requested for another shot but a few were in a rush and the girl we asked to help us take a photo looked like she wanted to die when we asked her too so I didn't want to bother anymore.

I just felt like posting up a photo because I did tell myself to take more photos this year just as a form of keepsake but I always forget that I have a camera in my bag or am very lazy/self-conscious to take it out. Oop at me.

I am just procrastinating and choosing not studying for my remaining two papers. Good job to me!

Really looking forward to the months ahead, there's so much to do.

PS, look, I'm so bent on not studying I even went and sloth-ified my header. It's soooo cuuuuteee agugugu.

11.2.13

I think what I need to understand thoroughly right now is that I can be okay with you, I am okay without you now, and I will be okay without you later.

10.2.13

I am waiting for my nails to dry (PROCRASTINATING), so here I am.

I can't decide between Communication Studies and Sociology.

I do think I am romanticizing Sociology quite a bit, but when I see the course structure I get SO excited, whereas when I look at the course structure for Comm. Studies I feel pretty meh. It's not like I'm extremely keen on going into journalism or advertising, let alone the other concentrations in the course (broadcasting & film, PR, not sure what is the other two). It's just that I think English is my only forte so off to writing I go! But honestly I think my writing skills are paltry compared to the other people in the course. So, idk.

And for Sociology, I have my doubts about it because I don't really understand or am keen on the career path it will lead to...? It's mostly people-based work from what I've read and I'm the furthest you can get from a people-person. However I've also read it's a liberal arts course so it does give a good base in journalism but as I've said, I'm not exactly dying to win the next Pulitzer Prize or anything. 

So it's between being practical and just... Doing what I want to do...

I also understand it's not like a degree in Communication Studies can get me a media job or anything either. :/

Guh. I don't know.

8.2.13

I was discussing with a friend how it seemed debates and fights were occurring more frequently than they did when we were younger even though it does seem that as you grow older these quarrels should be lesser, going by the logic that you become more mature. 

I thought about it as I walked home, and perhaps the reason why I, personally, didn't seem to have much debates/fights in secondary school, as compared to now, is because a lot of my views have changed or I am more aware of what I perceive to be as faults in our society.

I constantly get into lengthy confrontations with (straight) guys over issues that concern sexism, how disgusting they are when they talk about females, etc. I just cannot help myself. And I'm the only one who adamantly pursues these debates whenever there is an opportunity to. At 16 I just wasn't aware about the issues of feminist rights, sexism, misogynistic opinions, etc. And now, I do. And I simply have to, HAVE TO, correct guys when they are being complete misogynists. I really don't care if it makes me unlikable or a complete bitch because we're living in a man's world and sometimes women don't even know that they need to stand up for themselves more. And let's face it, it only makes me unlikable in their eyes because they don't want some girl telling them what's right and what's wrong because y'know, only the men are ever right! 

OK I digress. 

Other than that I also do have a really short temper and it really doesn't take much for me to get pissed off. Oops. A personality flaw I really need to work on.

So I guess my point is that, yes, although maturity has taken place, but as I've grown, I've learnt to stand up for myself and adding that on to a list of horrible personality flaws, you get the confrontational and caustic bitch I've become. Especially if a person belittles me and/or treats me like I am stupid or beneath them. 

6.2.13


OMMMMGGGGGGGG that is so hot. Alright let's be honest I think if a guy did that to me in real life I might choke to death, non-smoker and all but still. Omiloard. 

Anyway I just started watching My Mad Fat Diary and I like it! And Dr Nick is so hot. And Finn. Who is the guy in the gif. HIM AND HIS LEATHER JACKETS AND TSHIRTS AND PUNCHING PEOPLE FOR RAE. I sound like I am 14.

No, I am 21 this year. Ha.


I CAN'T. ALL MY FEELS ALL MY CREYS. SDLADJAKFJDDSJADKLM 

God every time he holds his cigarette between his thumb and forefinger and does whatever to it I want to die. OK let's stop making cancer sticks sexy. WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT NOW GUYS.

5.2.13

Currently feeling so stressed. Not because of studying. 

Ever since pumping in an amount of money I have never even saved before in my life into FP I spend at least 40% of my waking hours thinking of what I can do to improve things. (40% because currently there are more pressing matters like school stuff, so.) And every time I see a blogger posting a new advert on a new/existing web store a little part of me dies. 

I come across web stores I've never heard of before and they already have about 1k likes on their Facebook page. I did a little bit of researching and some have 3k likes, 8k likes. I know I've only just started but there is just SO much to do and improve on but I am only a 20 year old student who has spent 101% of her allowance every time it comes in so financial issues are really stressing the fuck out of me. There are just so many things for me to learn, to improve on, and I am just so unsure of whether I can accomplish them.

I have so many big dreams for this little business and I'm so afraid that it will all end up as a failure. I have SO many things I want to implement to make things better I've started jotting down ideas in case I forget them.

I just don't know how I'll be able to reach that level when the market is already so saturated and there are still more and more web stores popping up by the day.

I love it though. I love looking at other stores, getting inspiration from the usual suspects; Nasty Gal, F21, Topshop, etc., finding new sources of inspiration. I love the entire process... Sourcing for items, getting the items, styling the shoots, not so much of editing the images and coding the pages... But I love being able to see the final results, I love dreaming of all the ideas I want to execute, and the thought of it all coming together in the future... 

I can safely say that I would gladly dedicate everything to making sure this little sprout of a business grows into a strong tree. But it's just such a daunting task to try to rise up and try to achieve even a moderate amount of success and I am so scared of this journey. 

Worried.

4.2.13

UGH. Reading all the comments on this page make me so mad. It's not because I'm a LGBT rights activist but it's because I AM AN ANTI-STUPIDITY ACTIVIST.

"Dear Sir, I would like to voice up against the repeal of 377A. I am married with 3 beautiful children. I beleived, if the repeal is successful, it will do many harm to our nation and to our next generation. Our next generation may cease as a result of that too."

How the hell will the next generation cease because of a law that isn't even strongly enforced?! If you're gay you're gay, if you're straight, you're straight, if you're bi, you just have the best of both worlds/you can have your cake and eat it (lol) etc. There won't be anything to change that fact. LOOK AT ME. As much as I have been tempted to turn into a butch because I had that mentality that all fat girls make themselves butches because it's easier, it just isn't happening in this life time because I LOVE BOYS. ESPECIALLY ONES THAT DON'T LOVE ME BACK. Not the point but you get the point.

The repeal of 377A WILL protect your "3 beautiful children" if one of them is a boy and is actually gay , because 377A just fosters the prejudice that you idiots have that being a homosexual is morally wrong. When in actuality homosexuals have done nothing wrong to offend you and yet you overtly go out of your way to persecute their way of living.

How bloody ridiculous.

And Christians have GOT to stop using their religion and God as a front for their bigotry because that is NAGL. Don't use God as an excuse for being homophobes because if God and Jesus and all his teachings are to love one another, and according to John 13:34-35, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” then y'all just got to sit the fuck down man. I had to google that bible phrase lol.

GEEZ LOUISE. I just get so annoyed by stupid people.


Also,


I WAS JUST DYING TO USE THESE GIFS.
I couldn't sleep last night and I decided to watch all my favourite GD&TOP videos and I just made it worse because I got so excited over how good looking TOP is. ALL MY FEELS, ALL MY CREYS.


1.2.13

Effectively, in about 6 more days, my school life in polytechnic will end. And on the 20th of February, it would be safe to say that another stage of my life would be over. 

Seems just like yesterday when three years ago I made that desperate last bid attempt to appeal into NYP, not knowing all the people I would meet, and all the things that I would do. 

It didn't strike me till today that, that's it. I won't be going to Ang Mo Kio Ave 8 (or 5, idk) every day to see my friends, sit in the lecture theatres/tutorial rooms, decide which canteen to eat at, take the bus home with a friend, etc. To be honest, I still don't think it has struck me fully. 

And here I am, three years later. Still without a fucking clue as to what I'll ever amount to in life. Still with the same shallow and childish aspirations I had three years earlier, i.e., to be famous for erm. Various vain things.

You can cram all the academia into a person but all the theories, principles and calculations will never point a light towards what  the fuck you're supposed to do. And I'm so, so, so, afraid that my whole life will just be a series of stumbles and trips and falls, never being able to fully walk properly without falling face down into a pile of shit.

So fucking clueless.