One of the many shophouses I pass by on my way to work. I love shophouses! I only noticed today that these four in particular have the same design but have different Chinese characters labelled on them. Sadly, it's not very obvious in the photo.
Two more days and I won't be coming to this place often anymore. I've grown accustomed to a lot of things here, and I'll be sad to leave them behind. Small things like rushing to the bakery before work to buy my favourite raisin and cream buns, having the fish soup stall aunty recognize me, seeing tons of old school Chinese shops around, etc. are things that I'll miss.
I love coming to Chinatown and I'll miss coming here for work. I love how peaceful it is most days. It's not crowded and you don't see a ton of office people during lunch hours. Even if you do, they're the kinds that are tolerable. Hahaha I just have a thing against office people, oops.
I don't know how to explain it. You know how if you have a reason go to a place almost daily, you slowly begin to feel like you're a part of it? As though you become part of the inner workings of the place, much like a small blood vessel that keeps the heart going and pumping. And if you lose that reason to go to the place, you'll just feel like an outsider all over again.
Ok, I don't know if anyone would ever get what I'm trying to get across. *sob*
Here's a video that was posted on Facebook by a lecturer I respect a lot. Ironically enough, after watching this video I panicked about how none of the universities have contacted me, especially the one that I went to for my interview. The main line of thinking was, "I'm going to be so screwed without a university degree."
I don't think it is wrong to think that way, being in a society where a diploma is slowly losing its relevance and a degree is becoming the standard requirement to attain a job which can provide for a comfortable life. The main resource over here is people. If you can't equip yourself with the right tools (certificates) to become a valued resource, the general perception is that if you weren't good enough to get a degree, you aren't good enough to work for me.
However, as a friend pointed out to me, a lot of things that I seem to want now at this point in life do not require a degree. I think that I want to write for a women's magazine, or magazines like Nylon/Frankie etc. but to be honest with myself, I'm not sure if that's what I truly want?
I used to want to be a fashion designer from age 12-14, and thinking back now I can't remember why I lost the passion for it but judging from subsequent art classes I really don't have the flair for it. At 15, I wanted to be a vet but decided I couldn't deal with cutting up dogs/cats/household pets or cutting up any living thing in general. At 16 I decided that Mass Communications was THE course for me, never mind that I didn't really know what mass communications was about other than that I could still continue to write. Well, I didn't get into mass communications and instead I got into Applied Drama with Psychology, so I thought why not? Being a psychologist sounded cool/sexy. After a semester I dropped out because psychology wasn't a huge aspect of the course, but the drama aspect was the main thing. Well no shit 17 year old me, there's a reason why the first two words 'Applied Drama' come in front of the word 'Psychology'??? Anyway, I dropped out because I didn't get it. I didn't like what I was doing, and I didn't like that I didn't have a clue what was going on for several classes.
After I dropped out, I found myself being in Business Management half a year later. I didn't have a clue about business management either. I didn't even want to be in business management! Funnily enough at 17 I was actually adamant about going against the system and I wanted to stop going to school to be a nail technician. I wonder if my dad didn't press me to continue with school, would things be different? In any case, I am still thankful he pushed me to get a diploma.
Choosing the retail specialization of my course really opened me up to the world of retail. I used to think retail was just all about retail jobs but it's more than that. It's shown me that other than stupid shift jobs on the retail floor (oops sorry), there's also visual merchandising and fashion buying. And I LOVE these two aspects of the retail world. I thoroughly enjoyed all of my retail modules. Every other non-retail module was a pain in the ass to get through but I breezed through the retail modules. I just truly loved it. And choosing retail presented me with a chance to start up a small business selling clothes - an idea that I once shared with my drama classmates when they asked me what I would do when I quit the course. That was when I was 17, and now I'm 21. Although the business is going slowly, at least it happened. And I don't want to let it die, although it does look like it's going to flat line at any moment lol oops.
So that's another something I'd like to do in my life. Build up my little business into something that can actually provide for a living. HOWEVER, you who is reading this, whoever you are, if there is any one even reading, might probably be thinking OKAY SO YOU WANT TO BUILD UP A BUSINESS SO WHY THE HELL DID YOU WRITE 3 BLOCKS OF PARAGRAPHS ABOUT YOUR LIFE IF YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT?!
Well, the point is, from the ages of 12-19, although the thought of being a writer did pop up occasionally, it was never a strong passion. I liked writing, but only because I knew I was good at it. Which is why I thought that if I could get into a course which was related to writing, life would be easier. When in actuality, I know nothing about writing for a legit publication, or writing articles, or what a journalist actually does. My whole life I've only written compositions for school (albeit some being very fervent essays on some of my viewpoints), and for myself through my blogs. So, to say that I want to go into writing/journalism seems a bit foolish. And yet when everyone asked me what course I wanted to apply for in university my automatic answer was media and communications. At 16 when I had to choose a course I said communications. At 21 when I have to choose a course I am still going with communications.
And now, being honest with myself again, I only chose communications because it is the only course that gives me a possibility of entering a local university which my parents can pay for and is the only thing I am somewhat interested in.
Two hours into writing all of this, I've come to the conclusion I needed to get to.
I was only worried and panicky about universities not accepting my application not because I wanted to learn about writing or literature or whatever. Yes it would be fun to see what everything is about, mostly to satisfy my curiosity, but other than that... I just don't have the passion for communications or literature. The sudden mentions about literature is because the interview I went for was for a spot in English Literature. I don't even know what I will study in English Literature but when I got the call to go in for an interview I was already filled with dreams of teaching English in several foreign countries. Seriously. I need to stop that shit.
Digression aside, I was only panicking because almost everyone I know is in a university, or have been accepted into a university. And what would that make me if I wasn't in a university by August 2013? What would my parents think? In a way, not being accepted into a university can be considered a failure on my part, and in the eyes of many others in this society. And at that moment, I simply feared the judgement I would get when I would tell people that I wasn't in a university.
The only thing that is really driving me to get a degree is simply so that I can get a job with a higher pay when I eventually enter the working world. And yet, in my entire life I have never wanted a desk job working for someone - although being a corporate bitch sounds badass (YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT NEEDING TO STOP THIS SHIT OF THINKING JOBS ARE SEXY/COOL/GLAMOROUS?!). I mean, it literally pains me to imagine myself being corporate drone. And yet I want a degree just because it gives me an opportunity for a higher pay when I work for someone. And the only reason why I want a job with a higher pay which this piece of paper can give to me is because, well, having more money is never a bad thing.
So I guess everything is simply down to money. I am materialistic; I love buying clothes even when I have more than enough clothes, I love buying stupid cosmetics even though that whole industry is, to put it simply: evil, and I JUST LOVE HAVING NICE THINGS.
It really is a whole other debate on whether money = success = happiness but I think I've garbled on for way too long and I've got work tomorrow so I really need to sleep. Like two hours ago.
After all of this verbal diarrhea, I think I've reached a conclusion. Personally, I don't know if I truly want a degree or need one. I do think it would be nice to receive higher education, just for the sake of learning new things that I've never been exposed to. But the key word here is nice. Although I cannot guarantee that my business will be successful, it is something I don't need a degree for. And even if I do decide to go into writing, I believe that although a communications degree will increase my chances of getting a job in writing, it does not guarantee one. I don't know what my parents will think should I not get into a university, but I hope they won't be too upset. But to the rest of society, it's none of their business, right? Of course it would still be nice to be accepted into a local university, and let's be realistic, a degree is a nice Plan B too, just in case everything else doesn't work out.
Crying over how perfect the AllSaints lookbook is. My entire wardrobe just needs to be like this and it will be amazing/flawless/fine fresh fierce I got it on lock etc.
I took this when I went for my interview last week. I haven't talked much about it because I think it went rather terribly. The other candidate seemed more mature and had more professional work experience compared to me and the answers I gave were really unorganized/all over the place. To sum up the whole experience: there's some growing up for me to do.
About to leave this company soon! After the 30th of this month I would have worked for them for less than 6 weeks. That is even shorter than my internship was. Every one who has worked here seems to have nothing good to say about this company, and I can't wait to get out of here. Currently looking for other jobs even though the company I interned for asked me if I wanted to go back. The thought of serving tourists again is making me facepalm myself. I also have to take out my piercings! I wouldn't say I'm really into my piercings anymore but I don't want to close them either, and I lost the clear plastic studs I had during internship. They cost $10 a piece so there is no way I'm buying more studs. Geez I am so picky. I am the embodiment of all the flaws in my generation lololol.
I spent the weekend organizing my music files; uploading the album art, renaming files, etc. I just feel weirdly satisfied when I see the album art neatly displayed in my iPod. I don't know man. Also discovered a bunch of Korean indie artists and they are pretty gr9. Please check out Acoustic Collabo and Ra.D!! One Way is good too, but I'm not sure if they classify as indie.
Other things that are gr9: ssamjang and gochujang. I picked these up at the supermarket last week (I spent $77 wtf) and I've been adding them to every meal. Pretty sure ssamjang isn't meant to be mixed with rice but it's so yummy so I can't help myself.
I'm not a Korean weeaboo/poser/wannabe I swear, please believe me lololol.
Graduation is a month and 7 days away! I still have not rented my gown because 1. am lazy to look for the link, 2. am stingy and don't feel like spending money on the rental. Tough life.
The most amazing thing that happened to me this week was finishing One Day. I BAWLED right at the last word of the last page of the book and I couldn't stop for at least 10 minutes, I'm not kidding you. I felt so unbelievably empty after the book ended. I tweeted: "David Nicholls took my heart out from beneath my ribcage and lovingly caressed it, after which he then swiftly punched a hole through it." I reckon if I watched One Day and Never Let You Go on the same day I might end my life on the spot.
I tried to take some photos at work today with my phone, mostly because I was bored and the photography project book I borrowed said to take twelve photos with a set theme. I know there isn't twelve photos here but I didn't know what else to photograph and I didn't want to take photos when my colleague was in the store because I am awkward like that. I guess the theme is: shit I see at work.
Amateur photo taking skills aside, hey look! A post that does not consist of me scrambling around to find words to piece my thoughts together or gushing about Korean boys.
I also did up a nice profile thingy on the sidebar and I think it looks like an obituary/gravestone inscription, even more so because I am not smiling in that photo. There's also a link to my selling blog, my (dead) beauty blog, and my quotes blog. I am the blog queen.
Almost 4 months and I have yet to go on a delete-all-the-posts!!!11 or delete-the-entire-blog!!11 rampage, so yay me! Achievement unlocked.
Wouldn't it be great if every school came with a subject/module titled: How To Be A Good Person?
There are just too many grey areas in life.
A leads to B, B leads to C, C leads to D, etc.
I have a lot of thoughts right now and some of them I'm not so sure would be right to form into words.
6.4.13
I should stop comparing myself to others and do things at my own time and pace because I can't be the same as another person. Of course, I should try to better myself in all aspects, but it should be at my own pace and time.
I just felt a bit bad all of a sudden because I saw that some of my friends are off to do big things with their lives (of course the term "big" is subjective) and the most exciting/worrying thing in my life right now is waiting for my check to cash in so that I can submit my taobao cart and buy my skirt off ASOS. Seriously??????? I really have to start being thrifty...
I compare myself to a lot of other people, and sometimes I just need to stop and realize that my life is separate from anyone else and even if I compare, nothing good will come out from comparing.
I'll just have to work on doing my own things and focus on my own life and the things I want to achieve. And even if what I'm working on is going slowly, I can't just give up on it just because it's not as good as others.
Hmmm, I just have a lot of issues. Lately I've also been feeling more and more dispensable, and that people matter more to me than I matter to them. I've always felt that way since forever, but then after awhile it became less obvious. Now the feeling is back though. I don't know how to stop feeling this way. It's so bad.
And something around my neighbourhood is damn bloody smelly. It smells like a pet farm with a million and one wet dogs. Aghhhhhhh.
2.4.13
Sometimes in life, towards certain things and certain people, I just want to be like:
Can or not you think?
All jokes aside, none of the local universities I've applied for have contacted me and I'm thinking if I should apply for the retail degree at Stirling just to be safe. Also, MOE rejected my application to be a relief teacher. Again, WHATEVER LA SIA. Hahahaha.
I'm about to get my paycheck soon! I worked 50 hours in the last two weeks or so of March, which just in words sounds like a lot but really isn't. Just in time for my next taobao order?? Probably need to stop shopping so much (what I tell myself every day every hour every minute every second of my life).
I shall try to make my life more fulfilling and interesting as much as possible, because right now it's pretty lame and meh and just full of liking pictures of Kim Woo Bin on tumblr hehe.
So far I've met my classmates for Korean BBQ (should've taken more prawns while I could), met with KK, MC and JM twice (we played the Monopoly board game - most time sucking activity ever but I won!) and thaaaat's pretty much it. This was in a span of two weeks. The China dude I work with said I'm damn boring and I have damn boring friends. Once again, WHATEVER LA SIA!! Lolol I like staying at home and lazing around. Usually if I have to go out, I like to take breaks afterwards just being by myself and now that I'm working, days spent alone are even rarer so I really don't enjoy having to travel out of my house. What can I say, I'm a lazy butt.
I'm only happy to go to work because there is a bakery nearby that sells the yummiest breads (raisin and cream, and mixed berries and cream cheese) and also a juice stall that sells yummy mango juice which is fairly cheap ($2!) <3 My life revolves around food, internet, sleep, and cute Korean boys. So nice.
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